


Miserable At Best

by dyslexicdecisions



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, USWNT, talex - Freeform, woso - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 11:57:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3409700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyslexicdecisions/pseuds/dyslexicdecisions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gotta prompt asking fora one-shot based on Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade and so I was very creative and came up with that spiffing title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miserable At Best

Tobin knew she had to go. She knew she could never possibly find a way out of it. Realistically speaking from the day Alex had told her she was engaged she knew this day would come and maybe she thought she had prepared. But now as she watched Alex walking down the aisle towards her - towards him - she realized nothing could have prepared her for this.

Nothing could prepare her for the look of sheer happiness on the brunettes face as she walked up the aisle. Her eyes were sparkling, tears ready to fall, dress flowing ethereally behind her.

And him, he had looked straight away. As soon as the music started he turned to see her, no nerves, no uncertainty, no preamble. He just turned and Tobin could imagine the smug look on his face knowing that the gracious beauty walking towards the alter was his. All his.

Alex was nearly at the front of the church and Tobin was still clenching, her stomach was in knots begging her to let her fall apart. Tobin stiffened, squeezing her jaw together so tight she was sure nothing would ever escape again. She couldn’t take her eyes of the woman in white walking towards her, her dad giving her a kiss on the cheek before giving her hand to Servando. Alex's eyes never left his as he helped her to step onto the alter.

The ceremony seemed to take forever, it was torture watching how in love they were. Tobin managed to keep the smile on her lips from faltering. However, she was certain her eyes didn’t leave Alex’s though and the tears that did escaped were perfectly timed with the brunette’s “I do”.

Everyone was drunk at the afters, just like any other wedding. Alex had been dancing for what seemed like hours and Tobin had been sitting and staring into space for what seemed like months. It didn’t seem that long ago that her and Alex had been a thing. Maybe Alex had always played it off as something less than something. But when they were together in a mess of sheets, their bodies intertwined, eyes locked and ‘I love you’s’ falling from their lips – they were more than something. To Tobin they had always been more than something.  
Sitting at an empty table with four empty pint glasses in front of her wasn’t much different to the nights in her empty apartment with four empty bottles in front of her. It seemed all too familiar and she hated herself for her. Why couldn’t she just be happy for her best friend. She said she’d be happy for her, she promised she would.

“Tobs?” The forwards voice was timid, almost scared.

“Yeah?”

“I need to tell you something important.” That made the midfielder shift, if the nerves in Alex’s voice wasn’t enough, that sentence was. Alex was trying to prepare her for something and now, Tobin was nervous of what it was. The brunette rolled over so they were facing each other. Deep brown eyes met teary ones and Tobin’s breath caught immediately. She knew what was coming.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Tobin’s heart sped up and her breathing became uneven. Her stomach hollowing at the other girls words.

“We can’t be together like this anymore.” How could Alex be saying any of this? They were perfect, they had been absolutely perfect. No fights, no drama, nothing. They worked together like clockwork, on the field, in the apartment, at dinner, at parties. If anything maybe they spent a little too much time together but nothing was ever said on either party’s side. Tobin loved it, she couldn’t get enough of the Thorns number 13. Obviously, the feeling wasn’t mutual.

The brunette tuned out for all the nonsense she didn’t need to hear. All the “I still love you it’s just” and the “nothing’s changed” and “it’s not your fault you did nothing wrong”. She couldn’t bare to hear any of it. The only thing that she brought her back to Earth was when Alex gave her the real reason she was leaving her.

“Servando asked me to marry him.” All Tobin could do was nod, she didn’t trust her voice. She knew she’d beg for Alex to pick her and she knew it was probably hopeless because Alex had already made her decision – and it wasn’t her.

It really wasn’t her and sitting drunk out of her mind at Alex’s wedding was not where Tobin Heath should be right now. Not with her heart this heavy and her mind so fucked. Not with images of Alex between her legs still flashing into her mind. The look in her eyes, when confessed her darkest secrets, the feeling of her hand stroking hair from her face. Everything, every touch, every kiss, every word had haunted her from the day Alex left.

What made it worse was every time her and Alex caught each other’s eye, nothing had changed behind it. They used to send each other glances in practice, maybe when the coach said something funny, or when their favourite song came on the radio. Alex’s eyes would be bright as day, with a glint of mischievousness. They always told each other they loved each other with their eyes and when Tobin looked at her now, it felt the same. Alex still had that brightness, the seriousness, she still had everything Tobin needed but now she was with Servando. In fact now, she was Mrs. Servando and Tobin wasn’t quite sure if that made it worse or better.  
She watched as Servando got up from his position at the main table, he had been talking with the Dynamo boys. Tobin couldn’t roll her eyes far back enough to express how typical he was. He sleuthed his way over to the DJ and then to Alex, spinning her round as Ben Howard came on. She laughed into his arms telling him, probably for the 800th time that this was her favourite song.

It was her favourite song, when Tobin introduced her to it too. The brunette wondered if he had been told that 800 times as well.

Tobin was too preoccupied seething over the married couple that she almost didn’t notice her other best friend sit down beside her.

“You’re frowning.”

“It’s a good thing that’s the only thing I’m doing.” The pair were quite for a moment, Kelley knew not to say too much. Tobin was in need of letting it all out.

“She was everything, you know? I gave her everything and she couldn’t take that and now I’m scared I’ll never be able to give anyone anything.” Tobin looked down at the table, knowing she couldn’t let Alex see that she was upset. After all, she said she was happy for her. She said she’d be happy if Alex was happy.

“I know. I didn’t expect it either. You too were so loved up.” Kelley was always honest, it was her greatest strength and biggest weakness.

“I can’t stand being around her, but I’m worse when I’m not.”

“I know I’ve seen it.”

“I’m sorry Kel, I don’t mean to be such a downer.” The defender sighed. The situation Tobin was in was a shitty one and sometimes even she wondered if Alex had made the right decision. She was one of the few people who had known about their relationship, but what she saw was so much different to the way the forward acted with Servando.

Alex had told Kelley it was a different kind of love, but Kelley sometimes thought that maybe the younger woman was just settling for the “right” sort of love.

“You’re not, I know you can’t help it. You need someone to talk to.”

“Yeah, I’m bad at talking.”

“You know I’m always here?” Kelley always seemed to say that to the midfielder lately and Tobin knew it was true, but she always felt bothersome. Even if she did need to talk, she’d hold it in until it would just explode at the most inappropriate and unpredictable times. Like while signing a picture for a fan or in the middle of the gym or on a bus, or sat on her board in the middle of the ocean. The latter being the most preferred option.

Every ounce of her wished she wasn’t where she was right now. She wished she had the courage to tell Alex to pick her, she wondered constantly if she had done things differently, if she had told her she wouldn’t be happy without her. That she couldn’t be. Would that have changed things?

It was a year they had been apart and it seemed like nothing was getting easier. Tobin was sure she had tried, positive she had tried hating the brunette, tried ignoring her, she tried everything in the book. Nothing could get the images out of her head, the voice out of her ears and the heaviness out of her heart.

She had her good days, she tried to save them for when they had to be together, but it was becoming worse and harder for her to pretend. Maybe she had never really mourned the loss of losing her, but it was because she always had hope.

Even now as Kelley, was pulled from her seat by Press and Alex pulled up a chair beside her, there was still hope.

“Thank you so much for today.” The taller woman sat down beside her, curling her arm around Tobin’s and resting her head on her shoulder.

“I didn’t do anything.” Tobin smiled looking down at her best friend – just her best friend.

“You did, trust me.” What did that even mean? It drove Jersey girl beserk.

“Well you’re welcome.” Tobin watched as a contented smile grew across the forwards place, she felt a squeeze of her arm and followed Alex’s gaze towards her newly attained husband. He was again surrounded by his teammates who were all making boisterous jokes and laughing obnoxiously loud. He smiled across to Alex and gave her a small wave.

Tobin felt the tightening in her stomach again as she realized that this was it. That was the end. Alex was married and Tobin was just a memory to her.


End file.
